Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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