WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
