Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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