i permit you to call me
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
