In the future we'll all be gay
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
