I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
