ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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