How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
