remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
