I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
