Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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