If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
