well most of my day revolves around power hour
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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