I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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