So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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