The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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