I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
