I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
