Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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