My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
