If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
