All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
