Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
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Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
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I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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