somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
third nipple confirmed
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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