The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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