Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
