I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
