I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
