I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
