How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
