Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
