Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
