I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
