News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
