I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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