Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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