He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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