Its about making memories worth repressing
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
