One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
