I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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