I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
