I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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