lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
