just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
