my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
