just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
