You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
