So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
