i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
