its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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