I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
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