just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
