8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
