I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize