this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
