my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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