I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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