Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
