Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
