can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
