i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
