I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
