Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
