I heard we made out
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
