I'm so fucking centered right now
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
