Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
