He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
