its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
