I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
