Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
