i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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