He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
