Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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