this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
