when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
