You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
