Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
