Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
