My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
