you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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